Who's complaining about an A1C?

I just had my all my regular three month blood work drawn. Along with that dreaded measuring stick, the A1C.

My A1c result was 6.3.

I should be ecstatic. That's a really great number. Anything under 7 is good control, and anything under 6.5 is pretty stellar. (A normal A1C for a nondiabetic is around 5.)

I'm stressing over decimal points. At this point, I really, really want to be at a flat 6. Decimal by decimal, I seem to be creeping up again, even with my new initiatives of measuring everything and watching what I eat like a hawk.

One of my friends awhile back wrote a great blog post about measuring sticks, and how women especially are always comparing themselves to others and finding themselves lacking. This idea is stuck in my head today as I compare myself to other diabetics. As if diabetes is a contest to be won.

I know I have said this before, but again I am struck by what a judging disease this is. Doctors judging you by your numbers. You judging yourself by those numbers too, and how you stand next to other members of this community. Judging yourself constantly by that piece of pizza you ate, feeling guilty over it. Misinformed people judging you over your food choices as well. Worrying, worrying, worrying, that none of this will be enough to ward off eye disease. Kidney disease. Heart disease. Vascular problems. Causing damage to someone else, to your family.

And then, when you get great results, when you see your hard work paying off..... It's ...still...not....good enough.