30 Things, Garbanzo beans, and Greens

I learned from several others in the DOC (that's the diabetes online community) that this week is Invisible Illness Week. And since type 1 diabetes is the very definition of an invisible illness (ever heard, "But you don't look sick!"?), I want to jump in with the 30 Things About My Invisible Illness:

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: June 1998, right after my high school graduation.

3. But I had symptoms since: April 1998.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: Planning. For literally everything. What am I going to eat for dinner? How is it going to affect me in 2 hours? In 4 hours? Overnight? Is my BG high enough to exercise? Do I have enough strips/insulin/CGM sets/pump infusion sets for wherever I'm going? I am a relatively spontaneous person, and even after 13 years, the planning is hard to remember.

5. Most people assume: That I gave this to myself by eating too much sugar.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: That first BG reading that sets a tone for your day.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs. Because it's so ridiculous it doesn't need to be realistic. All the others try so hard to be realisitic, and still get it wrong. I'm a nurse, so that irriates me!

8. A gadget I couldn't live without: ohhh.... This one's hard. It's a total toss up. My pump, first of all. I was only on MDI for a month and I HATED it. Second, my meter - because where are you without that baseline? And thirdly - my Dexcom. I totally depend on it, especially at work, to ward off lows before they hit. Again, in the OR, that is SO important to me. Seriously, I don't think I can pick just one!

9. The hardest part about nights are: Being woken up every 15 minutes by a low, or a malfunctioning CGM sensor, or a high, correcting, trying to go back to sleep... Then waking up with a rebound low/high anyway.

10. Each Day I Take 1 pill and 1 vitamin. But oddly, that has nothing to do with diabetes. I infuse insulin 24/7 for that.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: Ain't nothin out there that's gonna grow me a new pancreas. I hate the "This diet/juice/pill is a cure-all for diabetes" ads. It's not.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or a visible, I would choose: I like the invisible, for the most part. I can talk about diabetes on my own terms that way, when I'm ready to or when someone shows an interest.

13. Regarding working and career: Being a nurse made me realize that not ALL doctors or nurses understand type 1 diabetes. So it is vital to be your own advocate.

14. People would be surprised to know: No matter how much you plan, no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your carb counts, sometimes D throws you for a loop anyway. There is no perfect. I just have to keep trying.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That one autoimmune disease can open the door to others. As strong as I think my body is, it has its flaws.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Run a half marathon. Boo-yah, diabetes!

17. The commercials about my illness: annoy me. There aren't any type 1 commercials. And I hate how Wilford Brimley says "diabetes." I have seen one or two JDRF commercials, and of course they only include cute little kids. But folks don't always realize that you can get type 1 even if you aren't a child. And you don't grow out of it.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed: Eating cereal. :) I love cereal. But no matter what, it whacks out my BG.

19. It was really hard to give up: regular soda. At first. Now I can't really tell a difference. Or, if I accidently get a regular soda, it tastes so absurdly sweet that I think it's disgusting! :)

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Running. See #16! And cooking. :)

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Just jump in a car and go somewhere. Without anything. I'd eat whatever I wanted, without a single thought to what was in it. No planning, and lots of brownies....

22. My illness has taught me: Carb counting and what a generally healthy diet looks like. I am much healthier than I would ever have been without diabetes. And it has taught me to be thankful for each day and all my blessings.

23. One thing that people say that gets under my skin: It's not so much what is said as how it is said. What bugs me is people who don't live with this disease judging one number in a myriad of numbers that make up my day, and making an assumption on that. "You're 236? You should take better care of yoursself." (At a doctor's office, while afraid and stressed, also with a number that could be attributed to a rebound high.) Another big pet peeve? Calling ANY diabetic "brittle." Brittle is not a medical term. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. Fluctuations are what this disease is all about. It irritates me to no end that even medical professionals I know throw this term around.

24. But I love it when: People are genuinely interested in learning! I love it when people ask me what my pump is, or how my CGM works.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, or quote that gets me through tough times is: "Every Change Matters."

26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: You CAN do anything. ANYTHING.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How finding other people with the same illness changes how you view everything. I have learned so much from my T-1 friends and the DOC, and I am so much healthier for it.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: My hubby is THE. GREATEST. SUPPORT. I need juice? He grabs it. Glucose tabs? Check. Remember how I'm not a great planner? He has a diabetes check list he runs down before we go on trips to make sure I have everything. He's even woken me up at night to check my blood sugar, checked it for me when I'm low, put new pump infusion sets and CGM's in my arm, and taken me to the hospital during a scary blood sugar of 29. That guy is a champ.

29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It's only invisible until we open up and talk about it. When we tell the world about Type 1, we dispell the myths surrounding diabetes.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Awesome. You guys are great. Honestly. I have such an amazing support group.

31. The most embarrassing diabetes related thing that's happened to you: So I added this one myself. Because you have to laugh at yourself. I've had a LOT of diabetes snafus, but the most embarrassing one was at a very, very fancy New York restaurant when my pump fell out from under my dress and bounced off the maitre d's shoe.

Whew!! Long meme. :) But I love things like that, maybe because it takes me back to a time before my life shifted. Because I had a good 18 years on this earth

before diabetes, and it is interesting to see where my life has gone because of it. For example, I am much healthier now than I ever would have been pre-diabetes. I also eat a lot more vegetables I would never have given a second glance to back then. Like greens, for example. Which are now one of my favorite things. Any kind of greens - turnip greens, beet greens, collards, kale. Seriously, kale chips could turn me from potato chips for life. Dark green, beautiful, full of iron... This garbanzo beans and greens stew has amazing depth of flavor, fills you up quite inexpensively, and has nice autumn colors to welcome in the colder weather. I found the stew to be quite nose-runningly spicy, so if you are sensitive to those things you might want to dial back the crushed red pepper a bit. But be sure to serve the stew with some pieces of baguette, because you don't want a single drop to go to waste!

Garbanzo Beans and Greens
From Cooking Light

2 bacon slices
1 cup chopped carrot
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 minced garlic cloves
1 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 cup water
2 15-ounce cans of garbanzo beans (chick peas), rinsed and drained
4 cups chopped fresh kale
1/2 cup plain reduced fat or fat free greek yogurt
4 lemon wedges

1. Cook bacon in a dutch oven over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon from the pan and crumble. Add carrots and onion to the drippings in the pan and cook for 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic, cook for one minute, stirring constantly. Add paprika, salt, cumin, and red pepper and cook for 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Stir in chicken broth, water, and beans. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Add 4 cups of kale to bean mixture. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until the kale is tender, stirring occasionally. Ladle 1 1/4 cups bean mixture into 4 bowls and top each serving with 2 tablespoons yogurt. Sprinkle with bacon and serve with lemon wedges.

Yields: 4 servings. Calories - 216 Fat - 4.2 grams Carbs - 33.7 grams Fiber - 6 grams

The Tide is Turning

I went to my third different endocrinologist appointment within 6 months today.

Needless to say, I was a little worked up, nervous, and edgy.

Endo appointments are very touchy things by nature. It's a snippet of a very complicated disease wrapped within a complicated life written down on paper. Your life transcribed in numbers - blood sugars, carb ratios, grams, correction factors. It's difficult not to feel judged, especially by someone who doesn't know because they don't live with it.

I went with a doctor who just happened to be trained by my old endocrinologist back at the Joslin in Boston. Just mentioning that I used to go to the Joslin Clinic around here made other endos I visited very defensive. Before anything else even came out of my mouth, I heard, "Well, yeah, the Joslin's good. But we do things different here. That doesn't make us wrong!!!" I had never assumed that different was wrong - but there was a standard of care that I do expect in any endocrinologist, anywhere.

Seeking out this standard of care meant that I had to drive an hour and a half to Ann Arbor. When I arrived, I was immediately whisked back to the nurses, where they did a fingerstick, downloaded both my meters, and then - asked for my pump. Whoops. Not the day to use an arm site.

"What do you want my pump for?" I asked suspiciously. This was something I had never even done at the Joslin. "I don't use a Medtronic sensor. I use a Dexcom. And I already downloaded all the information."

"Oh, you did? We normally download the dexcoms here too." Weird..... Once I (awkwardly) unhooked and handed over the Paradigm, the nurse retrieved all my settings off my pump, saving me from doing it (very tediously) manually.

After that, I didn't even wait two minutes before the doctor was in my room. She did an actual physical exam. She looked at my dexcom read outs and my blood sugar logs and knew how to use them. She made good, acceptable suggestions while asking me my thoughts on what was going on. She spent two and a half hours with me, her patient. When was the last time a doctor spent more than 10 minutes in my presence? I can't even remember!

What the heck was going on here?? Had I actually found a knowledgeable, caring, empathetic doctor? And then, while looking at my meal logs, she leaned over and said -
"I see you have sushi listed here and then two hours later you went low. Sushi's really hard to count. I try all the time at restaurants, and IT IS NOT EASY."

I think I have just died and gone to diabetic heaven.

My doctor, a non-diabetic, apparently tries to understand what her patients live every day by learning the ins and outs (and difficulties) of carb counting! She also remarked on which of the lancets she had tried out and which brand she thought were the most comfortable.

I never once felt *judged*. I felt the way I think you are supposed to feel after an endo appointment - empowered and educated to take care of yourself and your disease. I felt that she acknowledged my efforts in my control while still managing to fine tune things. And she listened. When I told her about some difficulties with another specialist I see, she immediately asked, "Do you want a second opinion? Because that just doesn't sound right." Exactly what I'd been thinking, but it's much more comforting coming out of a medical professional's mouth.

The drive home sure didn't feel as long as getting there. I was flying high on the slivers of hope that she had given me. I am so thankful that there are still doctors like this out there, even if it is a hike.

And I think she beat out even the Joslin. :)

Plum Kuchen

It's been a while, I know. It's definitely time for a recipe on this here so-called cooking site. And it just so happens to be late summer. And the plums are in.

First of all, I love anything that comes in a myriad of colors. Check these gorgeous things out! I got some beautiful little yellow and tart red plums at the farmer's market this week. I also threw in one black plum I happened to have in the fridge.


I know - I claimed I wasn't a baker, yet I keep posting recipes for cakes and sweet stuff..... But this has fruit in it. Fruit makes it healthy, right?

Did I mention how much better already great plums are when they're cooked? The plums in this dish release their juices, which mixes with the sugar topping to make a syrup that moistens the whole cake. It's sweet and tart with a nice spice note from the allspice in the topping and the cardamom in the cake. Honestly, this kuchen reminds me of my summer spent in Norway, where every baked good was required to make use of cardamom. Those Norwegians are on to something!

And it's simple. Of course. :) After all, I'm the one baking it.... Fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants cook that I am, if there was a way to mess this sucker up, I'd have found it.

(Hmm... 62.. what a great excuse for dessert.)

(Even better for us D-folks out there - it's a Cooking Light recipe, which means the nutritional info was easy to find. No fanagaling or calculations on my part.)

If you aren't convinced yet to give this a try, here are two great reasons -

1. Mr. Foodie, when asked what his favorite dish I cook him is, responded: "Um. I don't know. She never cooks the same thing twice...." This dish has actually been made twice in our house. And I have so many plums it will probably be made a third and fourth time too.

2. Mr. Foodie is not a sweets fan, in general. I can make cookies and cakes all day long, but I'd better have a full reservoir in my pump, cause for the most part I'm going to be eating it myself. This cake - gone in 2 days flat. (And that's not even counting the fact that I may have had some for breakfast with a cup of Earl Grey...)

Plum Kuchen

(from Cooking Light)

6 3/4 ounces All Purpose flour
2/3 cup + 2 Tablespoons sugar, divided
2 Tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/8 teaspoon salt, divided
1/8 teaspoon of cardamom
7 Tablespoons butter, divided
1/2 cup fat free milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
cooking spray
1 1/2 lb plums, quartered and pitted (any kind, but I thought the mix of yellow, red and black was pretty as well as tasty. Oh, and the bigger plums I
actually sliced rather than quartered.)
1 teaspoon lemon rind
1/4 teaspoon allspice

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
Combine the flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and cardamom in a bowl. Cut in 4 tablespoons of butter with a pastry blender or 2 knives until the mixture resembles coarse meal.
Combine the vanilla, milk, and egg in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk. Add to the flour mixture and stir until just combined.
Spoon the mixture into a 9 inch round cake pan coated with cooking spray. Arrange the plums in a circular pattern over the batter.
Combine the remaining 2/3 cup of sugar, 1/8 teaspoon of salt, lemon rind and allspice in a small bowl. Melt the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter and stir into the sugar mixture. Sprinkle the plums evenly with the sugar mixture. Bake 35 minutes or until the cake is brown and bubbling. Cool the cake in the pan on a wire rack for 1 hour. Cut into 10 wedges.

42.5 grams of carb per slice.

Why isn't everyone a foodie?

A high school friend of mine recently visited me up here in what I like to call "No Man's Land". We were trying to figure out where to meet up for dinner in the midst of bad cell phone reception. After I made a suggestion, he suddenly stopped cold.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I must have misunderstood. Did you just say Hardee's?!!!"

We both had a good laugh over that one. He knew he had heard wrong, well.. because, in his own words: "No offense.....But you're kinda a food snob."

No offense taken.

My friends - especially the ones I grew up with - often ask me how exactly how I, of all people, became so interested in food. My parents, for the most part, didn't cook anything that didn't come from a can or a box. To this day my mother has the eating habits of a three-year-old. ("I don't like anything green. I won't try black beans. I have to color code my M&M's before I eat them.") Years after college I didn't know the difference between dice and mince. I spent a hefty amount of time and money in those post college years eating at chains or going through drive-thrus. I remember a specific weekend where literally every meal was eaten out - the same thought that now makes me cringe and wonder how my body ever put up with that and still managed fine blood sugars and in range A1C's.

It started off slowly, being intrigued by an Alton Brown show that happened to be on at work one day. Huh. That doesn't seem so hard.....

I bought a copy of "Saveur". I'm not really sure why... maybe I liked the pictures. I remember not having a clue what half the words meant. But I was engrossed.

I got married and moved to a city where fast food wasn't readily available or affordable to us. My husband, at the time, would starve if left to his own devices. I guess necessity is the mother of invention.

Once I started cooking I discovered I actually really liked it. It was fun, and creative, and useful. Even when you messed up, it was usually salvageable - or it made for a really good story (like the time I dumped soup on my head).

What I don't understand now is - how is everyone NOT a foodie? Why do people not take any interest in what they put in their mouths?

Is it simply a consequence of being too far removed from our food's origins? Are people so used to lackluster, tasteless produce that they are ok with eating it, well, because you have to eat something?

People often giggle at me when I go crazy after tasting something really, really special. "OHMYGODTHISISSOGOODYOUHAVETOTASTEITRIGHTNOWISN'TITDELICIOUS??"
It goes something like that. They taste it. They give an obligatory nod. "Yup. It's good." Meanwhile, they are internally rolling their eyes and thinking, "For God's sake, it's only a tomato."

GOOD???? Good doesn't even begin to describe it. For some reason, I crave that the person I'm sharing this AMAZING food with appreciate it for the manna that it is. I feel like they are missing something. Something vital.

Someone suggested to me once that I may be what is known as a "super taster". I honestly don't think that's true. I can't tell the difference between cabernet and zinfandel in just one sip. I don't always know a swiss from a gouda. All I know is that they are both delicious.

The most vibrant colors and smells in this world are in real, fresh, unadulterated food. Heirloom tomatoes in August in every color of the rainbow, shiny and imperfectly shaped. The sweet smell of a real, ripe peach picked that morning and it's soft coating of fuzz. The sharp smell of basil that overpowers everything. The grey clumps of sea salt, complete with it's crunch and the way it miraculously brings out the flavor of any food it's on, so you practically don't even notice the saltiness itself.

Seriously, people, how do you not see the beauty in that? How is it possible to walk through farmer's markets without getting excited?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying everyone has to enjoy cooking. Or be a world-class chef. I'm still very much a novice in that department. You don't have to be a farmer, or even a gardener - I kill anything I attempt to plant.

I can't even find the words to say what I'm really trying to get at. In a stream of conciousness thing, it's - how, in that instant of eating a sun ripened purple cherokee tomato, do you not roll back your head, become completely absorbed into your own sensations, enjoy that moment of bliss, and become connected in some way to that land it came from, to the history of that tomato, to the eons of people that have eaten such tomatoes, and be insanely grateful to the farmer that grew it, the God that created it, the sustenance that it gives, the life that it sustains in you....

I just can't understand the apathetic, "Yeah. It's a good tomato." :)

CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Holy cow!!! It's a NO-HITTER!!!!!!

A Quote for the Day

"You can get through anything life hands you if you stay put in the day you are in and don't jump ahead."

:) Today, I am putting one foot in front of the other. Concentrating only on today. Just now. This moment.

You know what sharpens your focus into this moment?

ICEPOPS.

Seriously. Who wants to think about tomorrow when there is a one of these beauties in front of you and a warm sunny porch outside?

Strawberry Nectarine Icepops

(From Martha Stewart, of course)

1 pint of strawberries, hulled

4 Nectarines, pitted, peeled, and chunked

1/2 cup of sugar

Seriously. That's it. If you can use a blender, you can make this recipe.

Throw everything together in a blender and blend until smooth. Pass the mixture through a fine mesh sieve and discard the solids. Pop the puree into your popsicle molds, freeze for 4 hours, and voila! Taste of summer in your hands.

My batch made 6 icepops, but of course it depends on the size of your molds. According to my calculations - and no guarantees there - they are about 30 grams of carb each.

Chasing Endos

Sometimes in life things just seem to roll downhill.

And keep rolling. And rolling. And rolling.

You start thinking, "Things have got to get better soon. Right? Right??? RIGHT??"

I've written a lot about my search for a good endocrinologist and CDE since my move. Or, rather, I've whined a lot. (A whole lot.) I guess in all this mess I've learned how invaluable a good endo and CDE are. So imagine my excitement when someone gave me the name of a reputable endo nearby. (No, honestly, I really did get excited over a doctor. At this moment in my life, I really have to take the small things when they come.)

I got on the phone. I got my referrals in order.

Then came the blow:

Yup. That's right. My appointment with said endo is in 2012. I have to wait SIX MONTHS just to get into their office.

Parts of me think maybe I'm just being a little melodramatic about this. But the type-A personality that takes over when diabetes is concerned is screaming, "Six months!! Your basal needs can change 4 times in six months!"

Add in something new called multiple autoimmune syndrome to the mix and I'm left thinking, "You know, I really, really, really need to catch a break."