Good Riddance, 2011

Yeah, yeah, I know. I still have a good 3 weeks + of 2011 to go. I'm skipping over Christmas entirely, and I never did post any Thanksgiving photos or recipes. But honestly, because 2011 has been such a craptastic year for me personally, I'm all for ushering it out as quickly as possible. Bring on 2012!

I don't want to get into a woe-is-me kinda state, because really this post is about looking toward the future. But if you want the quick run down of 2011, it goes something like this: Febuary: Moved to small town Michigan during the biggest snowstorm of the year. Arrived our new house at 1 AM with about 2 feet of snow in the driveway, and temperature sensitive goods in the car. Commence overnight shoveling. March: Begin new part time nursing job where every doctor is a prima donna and one actually refers to himself as "god." Yes, that's true. Oh, and I manage to piss off the scheduler from close to day one. Talent. April: The great endo search begins. At best, I'm travelling an hour and a half from my home. At worst, I'm waiting 6 months for an appointment. In between, I'm getting bad, outdated information from patriarcial groups who don't believe in the patient as part of the team. Other specialists I see are caught red handed giving me wrong infomation simply in an attempt to get money out of me. And insurance. Ah, insurance. well, what would a year be without me spending 100+ hours on the phone with customer service representatives, each one giving me a completely different set of steps to take to deal with the same issue? June - Midmichigan gets a torrential week of rain, and we get our first flood in the basement, leading to days of dryouts, ripped up carpet, ripped up dry wall and pulled out insulation - all which our lovely landlord never repairs. August - Flood number 2. Go through dry out and no repairs again. October - In a vain attempt to meet people, I go to a young adults group at a new church, and I am completely ignored. I'm not sure why I find that so ironic. There is something very ingrained in me expecting "church people" to be nice. November- Because I pissed the scheduler off, I am given Thanksgiving on call to fill a hole from someone leaving. (Never mind that I am part time, have no famly anywhere in the vacinity, and I am the only person who also has a holiday next year, also around the big holidays - New Year's Eve.) Being that I can count on one hand that number of aquaintances we have here, even though we have lived here now 10 months, Thanksgiving is spent at a BW3's. I don't recommend it. :) December - Flood #3. The sump pump goes out while we are away for a weekend. Ironically, we are over at a friend's house trying to fix their sump pump at about the same time ours probably went out. We come home to 3 inches of water throughout the entire basement (The other floods were kept to one side of the basement). The dryers are still running down there now, and we haven't been able totally gauge the loss yet, but some wedding pitures and electronics did get damaged. So add that to the year's general disappointment of not finding a job in the food industry - which was my goal as we moved and I took a part time position. I, of course, did not forsee that there is neither food culture nor an economy in Michigan.

So honestly, I can say that the year wasn't stellar - but it wasn't the most worst possible horrible year EVER. No one died. In a year that was very difficult for many, many people, we were blessed with jobs and food and a roof over our heads. Most of the problems were from unmet hopes, expectations, and my own assumptions, really. So even though hope may have smacked me around quite a bit this year, I'm hanging on for a brighter 2012. Cheers!

Sometimes the internet is really, really cool. Like when you find an absolutely gorgeous blog post about modern day farmers and consumers, through another friend's blog that is not food related in any way. (Thanks, Tricia!)

I wanted to share it here. It echoes thoughts I have had about our industrtial food system for years, firsthand from the farmer's perspective.

My favorite part, one that really makes you think -

“Why have I thought a good education was about sending our children away? Why do we teach that dirt doesn’t matter and growing food is menial? Why do we think success is measured in the distance we travel away from the land and its crops that our very stomachs crave three times a day?”

Cooking Fears

I stared at the giant green globes piled high on the folding table of the farmer's market, surrounded by less intimidating bunches of beets, peppers, and pumpkins. They were so large they could have easily fed a family of eight. Their flimsy, early spring green leaves belied the fact that it was the farmer's market's final autumn weekend - my last chance. After this, a winter full of grocery store, shipped-from-mexico produce awaits me.

"Come on." They whispered. "You know you wanna try it."

I still swear those cabbages were laughing at me.

An often revisted conversation between me and another foodie friend involves our greatest "cooking fears". Things that we've never done, things that sounds too big or too complicated or have too many steps. Sometimes these fears are completely.... well, I'd like to say random and baseless, but then I'd probably be referring to fears that aren't my own. :) My friend - who is, by the way, an excellent cook herself - is afraid to try her hand at mashed potatoes. Another pal hates touching raw meat of any kind. My own personal fears revolve a lot around baking - anything involving live yeast terrifies me. Also, any recipe that is long, drawn out, and has a lot of rare and expensive ingredients. I am a Midwestern girl at heart, and the idea of spending a lot of time and dollars on a failed, inedible project stops me cold before I even enter the kitchen.

Oddly, when it comes to actually eating, there is precious little that scares me. Raw fish or meat never even give me pause. Brains, intenstines, offal? I figure it's the perfect solution to using the entire animal, and I feel proud of myself for following the "snout to tail" dogma. Weird plants or bugs? I'll try anything once. I am a couragous eater. While travelling, I have been known to randomly pick something off a menu without even speaking the language. Talk about the ultimate surprise. :) I will also select the most random thing off menus, or pick a dish based entirely on a strange ingredient, for the simple reason of "Well? When else am I gonna get a chance to try that?"

So today, after my bout with the cabbages, I'm left wondering why that courageness abandones me in my own kitchen. Metaphor for life? Very possibly!

What does this all have to do with cabbages, exactly? Cabbages aren't scary in the slightest. Poor, innocent, maligned cabbages. I'll tell you in one word.

Sauerkraut.

The word itself sends shivers down my spine.

I love sauerkraut. Nothing say easy fall dinner better than a big plate of beautiful white slivers of fermented cabbage along side a roast porkloin, pork chops, or smoked sausage and apples...Mmmm...... I especially love homemade sauerkraut. As long as it's not my own. So in the world of "knowing exactly where your food comes from", this is a very ironic example of literally wanting to be in the dark.

I've talked about facing my fear for a good two years now. People tell me how easy it is to make. I've read articles, done online searches. Honestly, these things just serve to increase my activation barrier. (I have to sterilize a jar? How the heck do I do that? I mean, I work in an OR, but I think they'd notice if I slipped a mason jar into the autoclave.... And during the fermenting process the jar could possibly explode??!!! Seriously? Like a bomb? I have gruesome images in my head of my husband coming home to a zombie covered with shards of glass and cabbage....)

Seriously, doesn't anyone have an old German grandmother I can borrow for an afternoon? I really don't want to embarrass myself with an obituary that reads "died from an unfortunate self-inflicted sauerkraut poisoning".

I did buy that laughing head of cabbage. I will face this fear.

Who will be laughing at end? We shall see.

The Spiral Staircase

Do you ever feel this way?

Like you keep going in circles, over and over, passing by the same landmarks you've seen a few times before? Sometimes I think I must be living my own personal version of the movie Groundhog Day.

When will the view change? What can I do to effect that change? Do I act, or do I need to be still? How do I know the difference?

More importantly - Am I going up? Or am I headed down?

Hope is a necessary, beautiful, dangerous, lethal thing. Every time I seem to hit the proverbial bottom, I find I still have another few flights to go. And lately I feel like I'm falling down those flights face first.

Oven Roasted Squash

Somehow, fall always manages to completely sneak up on me. Wasn't it just a week ago that Mr. Foodie and I were enjoying 80 degree temperatures on the shore of Lake Michigan? What?!! It's mid-September already??!! Suddenly it's sweater weather and I have to put my sandals away.

Fall has it's share of good things, too. Like apple picking. And the explosion of cider apple donuts suddenly available near me. (Blood sugar willing, I'm definitely not going to say no to those!) Fall makes me want to bring out the comfy sweats and curl up on the couch and do absoultely nothing ALL. DAY. LONG. Along with the colder weather comes nice, warm comfort food. Yup, bring on the soups, braises, and all those one pot dishes I am so fond of.

Of course, right now is prime time at the farmer's markets. The sheer bounty is crazily beautiful, eye catching, and claustraphobic all at once. The late summer peppers, eggplants and tomatoes are making their last stands while the winter squash start rolling in. And nothing tastes of fall like squash. I love squash because even grocery stores seem to obey the seasonality of squash. Unlike other produce, you can't really find a butternut squash in the produce aisle in, say, May. I assume this is due to demand because I thought winter squash could last pretty long. Baked acorn squash doesn't sound as charming in April as it does in October. :)

This week in our CSA we received a tiny little delicata squash. I know that most squash recipes lean toward a sweet application - maple syrup, brown sugar, cranberries - but I wanted to go a little more savory. Squash is sweet enough on it's own, especially when roasted, so the contrast with the garlic in this recipe is surprisingly delicious. Since our CSA squash was too little on its own, I supplemented it with a buttercup squash, but any winter squash would work - butternut, kabocha, hubbard, acorn.

I will readily admit, the worst part of this recipe is preparing the squash. My regular knives weren't good enough - I had to bring out the big guns.

The prize at the end is worth your effort though - Mr. Foodie and I pretty much abandoned plates and picked up hot pieces of roasted squash right off the baking sheet. Yes, it's that good.

Oven-Roasted Squash with Garlic and Parsley

From Eating Well

5 pounds winter squash, peeled, seeded and cut into 1 inch chunks
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tablespoons chopped Italian parsley

Preheat oven to 375. Toss the squash with 4 teaspoons of oil, salt and pepper. Spread evenly on a large baking sheet. Roast, stirring occasionally, until tender throughout and lightly browned, 30-35 minutes.
Heat the remaining 2 teaspoons of oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant but not browned (about 30 seconds to 1 minute). Toss the roasted squash with the garlic and the parsley. Adjust the seasoning and serve.

Serving size - 3/4 cup. 104 calories, 3 g fat, 21 g carb.

30 Things, Garbanzo beans, and Greens

I learned from several others in the DOC (that's the diabetes online community) that this week is Invisible Illness Week. And since type 1 diabetes is the very definition of an invisible illness (ever heard, "But you don't look sick!"?), I want to jump in with the 30 Things About My Invisible Illness:

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: June 1998, right after my high school graduation.

3. But I had symptoms since: April 1998.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: Planning. For literally everything. What am I going to eat for dinner? How is it going to affect me in 2 hours? In 4 hours? Overnight? Is my BG high enough to exercise? Do I have enough strips/insulin/CGM sets/pump infusion sets for wherever I'm going? I am a relatively spontaneous person, and even after 13 years, the planning is hard to remember.

5. Most people assume: That I gave this to myself by eating too much sugar.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: That first BG reading that sets a tone for your day.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs. Because it's so ridiculous it doesn't need to be realistic. All the others try so hard to be realisitic, and still get it wrong. I'm a nurse, so that irriates me!

8. A gadget I couldn't live without: ohhh.... This one's hard. It's a total toss up. My pump, first of all. I was only on MDI for a month and I HATED it. Second, my meter - because where are you without that baseline? And thirdly - my Dexcom. I totally depend on it, especially at work, to ward off lows before they hit. Again, in the OR, that is SO important to me. Seriously, I don't think I can pick just one!

9. The hardest part about nights are: Being woken up every 15 minutes by a low, or a malfunctioning CGM sensor, or a high, correcting, trying to go back to sleep... Then waking up with a rebound low/high anyway.

10. Each Day I Take 1 pill and 1 vitamin. But oddly, that has nothing to do with diabetes. I infuse insulin 24/7 for that.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: Ain't nothin out there that's gonna grow me a new pancreas. I hate the "This diet/juice/pill is a cure-all for diabetes" ads. It's not.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or a visible, I would choose: I like the invisible, for the most part. I can talk about diabetes on my own terms that way, when I'm ready to or when someone shows an interest.

13. Regarding working and career: Being a nurse made me realize that not ALL doctors or nurses understand type 1 diabetes. So it is vital to be your own advocate.

14. People would be surprised to know: No matter how much you plan, no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your carb counts, sometimes D throws you for a loop anyway. There is no perfect. I just have to keep trying.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That one autoimmune disease can open the door to others. As strong as I think my body is, it has its flaws.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Run a half marathon. Boo-yah, diabetes!

17. The commercials about my illness: annoy me. There aren't any type 1 commercials. And I hate how Wilford Brimley says "diabetes." I have seen one or two JDRF commercials, and of course they only include cute little kids. But folks don't always realize that you can get type 1 even if you aren't a child. And you don't grow out of it.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed: Eating cereal. :) I love cereal. But no matter what, it whacks out my BG.

19. It was really hard to give up: regular soda. At first. Now I can't really tell a difference. Or, if I accidently get a regular soda, it tastes so absurdly sweet that I think it's disgusting! :)

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Running. See #16! And cooking. :)

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Just jump in a car and go somewhere. Without anything. I'd eat whatever I wanted, without a single thought to what was in it. No planning, and lots of brownies....

22. My illness has taught me: Carb counting and what a generally healthy diet looks like. I am much healthier than I would ever have been without diabetes. And it has taught me to be thankful for each day and all my blessings.

23. One thing that people say that gets under my skin: It's not so much what is said as how it is said. What bugs me is people who don't live with this disease judging one number in a myriad of numbers that make up my day, and making an assumption on that. "You're 236? You should take better care of yoursself." (At a doctor's office, while afraid and stressed, also with a number that could be attributed to a rebound high.) Another big pet peeve? Calling ANY diabetic "brittle." Brittle is not a medical term. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. Fluctuations are what this disease is all about. It irritates me to no end that even medical professionals I know throw this term around.

24. But I love it when: People are genuinely interested in learning! I love it when people ask me what my pump is, or how my CGM works.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, or quote that gets me through tough times is: "Every Change Matters."

26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: You CAN do anything. ANYTHING.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How finding other people with the same illness changes how you view everything. I have learned so much from my T-1 friends and the DOC, and I am so much healthier for it.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: My hubby is THE. GREATEST. SUPPORT. I need juice? He grabs it. Glucose tabs? Check. Remember how I'm not a great planner? He has a diabetes check list he runs down before we go on trips to make sure I have everything. He's even woken me up at night to check my blood sugar, checked it for me when I'm low, put new pump infusion sets and CGM's in my arm, and taken me to the hospital during a scary blood sugar of 29. That guy is a champ.

29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It's only invisible until we open up and talk about it. When we tell the world about Type 1, we dispell the myths surrounding diabetes.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Awesome. You guys are great. Honestly. I have such an amazing support group.

31. The most embarrassing diabetes related thing that's happened to you: So I added this one myself. Because you have to laugh at yourself. I've had a LOT of diabetes snafus, but the most embarrassing one was at a very, very fancy New York restaurant when my pump fell out from under my dress and bounced off the maitre d's shoe.

Whew!! Long meme. :) But I love things like that, maybe because it takes me back to a time before my life shifted. Because I had a good 18 years on this earth

before diabetes, and it is interesting to see where my life has gone because of it. For example, I am much healthier now than I ever would have been pre-diabetes. I also eat a lot more vegetables I would never have given a second glance to back then. Like greens, for example. Which are now one of my favorite things. Any kind of greens - turnip greens, beet greens, collards, kale. Seriously, kale chips could turn me from potato chips for life. Dark green, beautiful, full of iron... This garbanzo beans and greens stew has amazing depth of flavor, fills you up quite inexpensively, and has nice autumn colors to welcome in the colder weather. I found the stew to be quite nose-runningly spicy, so if you are sensitive to those things you might want to dial back the crushed red pepper a bit. But be sure to serve the stew with some pieces of baguette, because you don't want a single drop to go to waste!

Garbanzo Beans and Greens
From Cooking Light

2 bacon slices
1 cup chopped carrot
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 minced garlic cloves
1 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 cup water
2 15-ounce cans of garbanzo beans (chick peas), rinsed and drained
4 cups chopped fresh kale
1/2 cup plain reduced fat or fat free greek yogurt
4 lemon wedges

1. Cook bacon in a dutch oven over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon from the pan and crumble. Add carrots and onion to the drippings in the pan and cook for 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic, cook for one minute, stirring constantly. Add paprika, salt, cumin, and red pepper and cook for 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Stir in chicken broth, water, and beans. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Add 4 cups of kale to bean mixture. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until the kale is tender, stirring occasionally. Ladle 1 1/4 cups bean mixture into 4 bowls and top each serving with 2 tablespoons yogurt. Sprinkle with bacon and serve with lemon wedges.

Yields: 4 servings. Calories - 216 Fat - 4.2 grams Carbs - 33.7 grams Fiber - 6 grams

The Tide is Turning

I went to my third different endocrinologist appointment within 6 months today.

Needless to say, I was a little worked up, nervous, and edgy.

Endo appointments are very touchy things by nature. It's a snippet of a very complicated disease wrapped within a complicated life written down on paper. Your life transcribed in numbers - blood sugars, carb ratios, grams, correction factors. It's difficult not to feel judged, especially by someone who doesn't know because they don't live with it.

I went with a doctor who just happened to be trained by my old endocrinologist back at the Joslin in Boston. Just mentioning that I used to go to the Joslin Clinic around here made other endos I visited very defensive. Before anything else even came out of my mouth, I heard, "Well, yeah, the Joslin's good. But we do things different here. That doesn't make us wrong!!!" I had never assumed that different was wrong - but there was a standard of care that I do expect in any endocrinologist, anywhere.

Seeking out this standard of care meant that I had to drive an hour and a half to Ann Arbor. When I arrived, I was immediately whisked back to the nurses, where they did a fingerstick, downloaded both my meters, and then - asked for my pump. Whoops. Not the day to use an arm site.

"What do you want my pump for?" I asked suspiciously. This was something I had never even done at the Joslin. "I don't use a Medtronic sensor. I use a Dexcom. And I already downloaded all the information."

"Oh, you did? We normally download the dexcoms here too." Weird..... Once I (awkwardly) unhooked and handed over the Paradigm, the nurse retrieved all my settings off my pump, saving me from doing it (very tediously) manually.

After that, I didn't even wait two minutes before the doctor was in my room. She did an actual physical exam. She looked at my dexcom read outs and my blood sugar logs and knew how to use them. She made good, acceptable suggestions while asking me my thoughts on what was going on. She spent two and a half hours with me, her patient. When was the last time a doctor spent more than 10 minutes in my presence? I can't even remember!

What the heck was going on here?? Had I actually found a knowledgeable, caring, empathetic doctor? And then, while looking at my meal logs, she leaned over and said -
"I see you have sushi listed here and then two hours later you went low. Sushi's really hard to count. I try all the time at restaurants, and IT IS NOT EASY."

I think I have just died and gone to diabetic heaven.

My doctor, a non-diabetic, apparently tries to understand what her patients live every day by learning the ins and outs (and difficulties) of carb counting! She also remarked on which of the lancets she had tried out and which brand she thought were the most comfortable.

I never once felt *judged*. I felt the way I think you are supposed to feel after an endo appointment - empowered and educated to take care of yourself and your disease. I felt that she acknowledged my efforts in my control while still managing to fine tune things. And she listened. When I told her about some difficulties with another specialist I see, she immediately asked, "Do you want a second opinion? Because that just doesn't sound right." Exactly what I'd been thinking, but it's much more comforting coming out of a medical professional's mouth.

The drive home sure didn't feel as long as getting there. I was flying high on the slivers of hope that she had given me. I am so thankful that there are still doctors like this out there, even if it is a hike.

And I think she beat out even the Joslin. :)

Plum Kuchen

It's been a while, I know. It's definitely time for a recipe on this here so-called cooking site. And it just so happens to be late summer. And the plums are in.

First of all, I love anything that comes in a myriad of colors. Check these gorgeous things out! I got some beautiful little yellow and tart red plums at the farmer's market this week. I also threw in one black plum I happened to have in the fridge.


I know - I claimed I wasn't a baker, yet I keep posting recipes for cakes and sweet stuff..... But this has fruit in it. Fruit makes it healthy, right?

Did I mention how much better already great plums are when they're cooked? The plums in this dish release their juices, which mixes with the sugar topping to make a syrup that moistens the whole cake. It's sweet and tart with a nice spice note from the allspice in the topping and the cardamom in the cake. Honestly, this kuchen reminds me of my summer spent in Norway, where every baked good was required to make use of cardamom. Those Norwegians are on to something!

And it's simple. Of course. :) After all, I'm the one baking it.... Fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants cook that I am, if there was a way to mess this sucker up, I'd have found it.

(Hmm... 62.. what a great excuse for dessert.)

(Even better for us D-folks out there - it's a Cooking Light recipe, which means the nutritional info was easy to find. No fanagaling or calculations on my part.)

If you aren't convinced yet to give this a try, here are two great reasons -

1. Mr. Foodie, when asked what his favorite dish I cook him is, responded: "Um. I don't know. She never cooks the same thing twice...." This dish has actually been made twice in our house. And I have so many plums it will probably be made a third and fourth time too.

2. Mr. Foodie is not a sweets fan, in general. I can make cookies and cakes all day long, but I'd better have a full reservoir in my pump, cause for the most part I'm going to be eating it myself. This cake - gone in 2 days flat. (And that's not even counting the fact that I may have had some for breakfast with a cup of Earl Grey...)

Plum Kuchen

(from Cooking Light)

6 3/4 ounces All Purpose flour
2/3 cup + 2 Tablespoons sugar, divided
2 Tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/8 teaspoon salt, divided
1/8 teaspoon of cardamom
7 Tablespoons butter, divided
1/2 cup fat free milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
cooking spray
1 1/2 lb plums, quartered and pitted (any kind, but I thought the mix of yellow, red and black was pretty as well as tasty. Oh, and the bigger plums I
actually sliced rather than quartered.)
1 teaspoon lemon rind
1/4 teaspoon allspice

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
Combine the flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and cardamom in a bowl. Cut in 4 tablespoons of butter with a pastry blender or 2 knives until the mixture resembles coarse meal.
Combine the vanilla, milk, and egg in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk. Add to the flour mixture and stir until just combined.
Spoon the mixture into a 9 inch round cake pan coated with cooking spray. Arrange the plums in a circular pattern over the batter.
Combine the remaining 2/3 cup of sugar, 1/8 teaspoon of salt, lemon rind and allspice in a small bowl. Melt the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter and stir into the sugar mixture. Sprinkle the plums evenly with the sugar mixture. Bake 35 minutes or until the cake is brown and bubbling. Cool the cake in the pan on a wire rack for 1 hour. Cut into 10 wedges.

42.5 grams of carb per slice.

Why isn't everyone a foodie?

A high school friend of mine recently visited me up here in what I like to call "No Man's Land". We were trying to figure out where to meet up for dinner in the midst of bad cell phone reception. After I made a suggestion, he suddenly stopped cold.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I must have misunderstood. Did you just say Hardee's?!!!"

We both had a good laugh over that one. He knew he had heard wrong, well.. because, in his own words: "No offense.....But you're kinda a food snob."

No offense taken.

My friends - especially the ones I grew up with - often ask me how exactly how I, of all people, became so interested in food. My parents, for the most part, didn't cook anything that didn't come from a can or a box. To this day my mother has the eating habits of a three-year-old. ("I don't like anything green. I won't try black beans. I have to color code my M&M's before I eat them.") Years after college I didn't know the difference between dice and mince. I spent a hefty amount of time and money in those post college years eating at chains or going through drive-thrus. I remember a specific weekend where literally every meal was eaten out - the same thought that now makes me cringe and wonder how my body ever put up with that and still managed fine blood sugars and in range A1C's.

It started off slowly, being intrigued by an Alton Brown show that happened to be on at work one day. Huh. That doesn't seem so hard.....

I bought a copy of "Saveur". I'm not really sure why... maybe I liked the pictures. I remember not having a clue what half the words meant. But I was engrossed.

I got married and moved to a city where fast food wasn't readily available or affordable to us. My husband, at the time, would starve if left to his own devices. I guess necessity is the mother of invention.

Once I started cooking I discovered I actually really liked it. It was fun, and creative, and useful. Even when you messed up, it was usually salvageable - or it made for a really good story (like the time I dumped soup on my head).

What I don't understand now is - how is everyone NOT a foodie? Why do people not take any interest in what they put in their mouths?

Is it simply a consequence of being too far removed from our food's origins? Are people so used to lackluster, tasteless produce that they are ok with eating it, well, because you have to eat something?

People often giggle at me when I go crazy after tasting something really, really special. "OHMYGODTHISISSOGOODYOUHAVETOTASTEITRIGHTNOWISN'TITDELICIOUS??"
It goes something like that. They taste it. They give an obligatory nod. "Yup. It's good." Meanwhile, they are internally rolling their eyes and thinking, "For God's sake, it's only a tomato."

GOOD???? Good doesn't even begin to describe it. For some reason, I crave that the person I'm sharing this AMAZING food with appreciate it for the manna that it is. I feel like they are missing something. Something vital.

Someone suggested to me once that I may be what is known as a "super taster". I honestly don't think that's true. I can't tell the difference between cabernet and zinfandel in just one sip. I don't always know a swiss from a gouda. All I know is that they are both delicious.

The most vibrant colors and smells in this world are in real, fresh, unadulterated food. Heirloom tomatoes in August in every color of the rainbow, shiny and imperfectly shaped. The sweet smell of a real, ripe peach picked that morning and it's soft coating of fuzz. The sharp smell of basil that overpowers everything. The grey clumps of sea salt, complete with it's crunch and the way it miraculously brings out the flavor of any food it's on, so you practically don't even notice the saltiness itself.

Seriously, people, how do you not see the beauty in that? How is it possible to walk through farmer's markets without getting excited?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying everyone has to enjoy cooking. Or be a world-class chef. I'm still very much a novice in that department. You don't have to be a farmer, or even a gardener - I kill anything I attempt to plant.

I can't even find the words to say what I'm really trying to get at. In a stream of conciousness thing, it's - how, in that instant of eating a sun ripened purple cherokee tomato, do you not roll back your head, become completely absorbed into your own sensations, enjoy that moment of bliss, and become connected in some way to that land it came from, to the history of that tomato, to the eons of people that have eaten such tomatoes, and be insanely grateful to the farmer that grew it, the God that created it, the sustenance that it gives, the life that it sustains in you....

I just can't understand the apathetic, "Yeah. It's a good tomato." :)

CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Holy cow!!! It's a NO-HITTER!!!!!!

A Quote for the Day

"You can get through anything life hands you if you stay put in the day you are in and don't jump ahead."

:) Today, I am putting one foot in front of the other. Concentrating only on today. Just now. This moment.

You know what sharpens your focus into this moment?

ICEPOPS.

Seriously. Who wants to think about tomorrow when there is a one of these beauties in front of you and a warm sunny porch outside?

Strawberry Nectarine Icepops

(From Martha Stewart, of course)

1 pint of strawberries, hulled

4 Nectarines, pitted, peeled, and chunked

1/2 cup of sugar

Seriously. That's it. If you can use a blender, you can make this recipe.

Throw everything together in a blender and blend until smooth. Pass the mixture through a fine mesh sieve and discard the solids. Pop the puree into your popsicle molds, freeze for 4 hours, and voila! Taste of summer in your hands.

My batch made 6 icepops, but of course it depends on the size of your molds. According to my calculations - and no guarantees there - they are about 30 grams of carb each.

Chasing Endos

Sometimes in life things just seem to roll downhill.

And keep rolling. And rolling. And rolling.

You start thinking, "Things have got to get better soon. Right? Right??? RIGHT??"

I've written a lot about my search for a good endocrinologist and CDE since my move. Or, rather, I've whined a lot. (A whole lot.) I guess in all this mess I've learned how invaluable a good endo and CDE are. So imagine my excitement when someone gave me the name of a reputable endo nearby. (No, honestly, I really did get excited over a doctor. At this moment in my life, I really have to take the small things when they come.)

I got on the phone. I got my referrals in order.

Then came the blow:

Yup. That's right. My appointment with said endo is in 2012. I have to wait SIX MONTHS just to get into their office.

Parts of me think maybe I'm just being a little melodramatic about this. But the type-A personality that takes over when diabetes is concerned is screaming, "Six months!! Your basal needs can change 4 times in six months!"

Add in something new called multiple autoimmune syndrome to the mix and I'm left thinking, "You know, I really, really, really need to catch a break."

Good Things

So even if this year is a year of apparently bad diabetes karma as far as clinics and doctors and such go, there is a lot of random stuff going right in my life at the moment, so today I'm going to focus on the good things.

First of all, I just completed my very first full Diabetes 365 project on Flickr!!!!! For those of you who don't know, diabetes 365 is an online community where people post one picture per day for an entire year depicting what it's like to live with diabetes. I started my 365 mostly as an outlet for the frustrations I encounter daily - most of which I've yapped about here as well. Unexplained highs, poorly timed lows, the judgement that constantly surrounds every food choice you make - well, a picture is worth a thousand words, right? And it was great, purging those feelings somewhere. But what was surprising to me was how many of my pictures weren't about diabetes. They were about my husband's graduation, Christmas with our family, a girl's trip to the beach, or endless farmer's market trips. The pictures were reinforcement that while diabetes may encroach on my life in ways that I hate, it isn't my LIFE. I think that's pretty cool. Not to mention that I became friends with some great members of the diabetic online community. These folks get it because they are living it too, and there was no end to their support, suggestions, and humor. I feel like I learned more about diabetes and ways to fight it in one year from them than I have in the 12 years since diagnosis from any doctor or CDE. (PS, if you want to see pics from my Diabetes 365, click here or there are some thumbnails to the right of this page.) I can't wait to start year 2 of 365!

I was in a slight cooking rut until recently as well - not huge, but one of those "why-bother-cooking-for-only-two-people" kinda things. Last week, I was completely blessed to go spend some time with my best friend and her family. I got to have plenty of girl talk, I earned a new nickname, and best of all, I got to chase around and play with her 21 month old son. We even got the chance to cook for a party she had at her home over the weekend! We just did simple things - cooking with a very active 21 month old underfoot can be a bit of a challenge - but it just solidified that cooking with a friend, and for other people to enjoy, is one of the most joyous experiences. Of course, I meant to take pics to post here of all the gorgeous food we made. And yeah.... that never happened. So hopefully some recipes will suffice, along with me promising that they are easy, gorgeous, and tasty.







This little guy is about the cutest thing there is. He calls me "Innie". Being the child novice that I am, I let him pour milk on his head. He wasn't really sure what to think about that - until we started laughing, so he decided to laugh too.









Other things adding to my bright mood today? Temps are in the 80's, and I'm wearing a cute new sundress. What else does a girl need?

And now, for some party recipes:

Roasted Shrimp with Rosemary and Thyme

(from Fine Cooking)

This is super simple and super delicious. I honestly would make this any time I need to impress somebody...Make sure you have a loaf of French bread handy so you don't waste a drop of the herby olive oil.

6 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
6 fresh thyme sprigs
3 large rosemary sprigs, halved
freshly ground black pepper
1 1/2 pound extra large shrimp (26-30 count), uncooked but peeled and deveined
1 1/2 tablespoon white wine vinegar
kosher salt, or even better, fleur de sel (my friend swears this makes all the difference)


Preheat oven to 400. Pour the oil into a 9 x 13 baking dish. Add the thyme, rosemary, and 1 tsp pepper and bake until fragrant, about 12 minutes. Add the shrimp to the dish and toss until coated. Bake the shrimp until pink and firm, 8-10 minutes. Add the vinegar and 1/2 tsp salt, toss well, and lest rest about 5 minutes. Discard the herbs and serve.

My note - there is precious little you can do to mess this up. You can accidently just mix the whole thing together at the beginning and bake until the shrimp is done. You can completely forget the white wine, as I have done. And resting? Trust me, this smells so good there is no one willing to let it rest 5 minutes. The only key here is fresh herbs and good ingredients.


Blackberry Sage Water

This is one of those things I ordinarily deem fussy. (Anything I have to bring out the blender for is "fussy".) But this surprised me - it was crazy easy and really refreshing. The sage note was definitely different for a summery drink. If I were to make this again though, I would probably double the amount of blackberries in it.

15 medium fresh sage leaves
2 tablespoons sugar
1 cup boiling water
6 ounces fresh blackberries

Put the sage leaves and sugar in a small pot and crush the leaves with a wooden spoon. Pour in the boiling water and stir until the sugar dissolves. Set aside to steep for 15 minutes.


Meanwhile, in a blender, puree the blackberries with 2 cups of cold water. Strain the blackberry liquid and the sage liquid through a fine mesh sieve into a large bowl, discarding the solids. Pour the liquid into a large pitcher and add 5 cups cold water (or seltzer water). Serve over ice.

A Difficult Patient

I realize that this is sort-of a cooking blog, and I haven't posted any recipes lately.

That, unfortunately, is because the other half of both my life and this blog revolves around the horrible diabetes monster.

It's been a rough couple of days in D-land. Really rough. My 3 hour appointment with a certified diabetes educator (and in reference to her, I use the term very loosely) was a wake up call to the absolutely pitiful state of health care in more rural areas. Four days later, and my head is still reeling from the amount of completely outdated information I was given. And my anger at being made to feel like a "difficult" patient still seethes.

I'm angry, and I feel a little helpless. What is my next option for a good, knowledgeable, up-to-date endocrinologist or CDE? As I've mentioned before, I already drive an hour away from my home for appointments. Next on my list - heading to Ann Arbor, a three hour round trip, and HOPE for better luck there.

Through all of this nonsense, I'm beginning to understand the sub group of Type 1's out there who want to differentiate themselves from Type 2's by completely changing the name of the disease. We are honestly such a small section of the diabetes population. When I go to a CDE, I expect her to be knowledgeable in Type 1 diabetes, as well as the technologies, drugs, and diet plans used by type 1 diabetics in the treatment of their disease. I do not want to be lumped with the type 2's. Not because type 2 is better, or worse, or whatever. It is just as difficult to live with every day as type 1. I feel that although the idea of treatment in both is the same - to keep blood sugars as close to normal as possible - the methods can really differ. So I wonder, if I had "Autoimmune Pancreatic Disease", would people, including healthcare professionals, see me differently? Treat me as an individual? Help me to find a plan that works in my own situation?

(Cause let me tell you, this 60 grams of carb a meal "meal plan" isn't working. Really, lady? I'm 5'2, for crying out loud. How many calories do you think I need? Ok, rant over.)


I guess that, once again, I've garnered how essential it is to be your own advocate. Doctors, CDE's, and dietitians should always be able and open to explaining the "whys" of a diabetes program. And sorry, "That's just the way we do it here" isn't explanation enough. Neither is "But we're a nationally recognized program."

(This picture is a perfect example of type 1 and type 2 being lumped together. The fact that a diabetes center would ask me this question, implying that there is something I could do or not do to prevent my child from acquiring a frickin AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE makes me LIVID. Maybe the fact that I wanted to claw out the eyes of the CDE after reading this was what labeled me as a "difficult patient"??)

World Travels and the D

I am finally home from a monthful of travelling. And although exhausting, I loved every minute of it.

First we headed up to Boston for my hubby's hooding and graduation. Can you tell that I'm about bursting with pride?

It was honestly like coming home. We got to hang out with all of our very treasured close friends again - the kind we just haven't had the time or opportunity to make here in the Midwest yet. I miss them horribly every day. I just feel like I fit there, if that makes sense.

Thankfully, I only had one diabetes related snafu. Somehow, after 12 years of carrying crap around with me everywhere, I walked out of the hotel room for an entire day out on the town and forgot my glucometer. Seriously? How do I do stuff like that? I spent the day relying entirely on the Dexcom - which, I suppose, is better than flying completely blind. Except that when I met some friends for dinner at a nice restaurant (read: hard to bolus for on a good day), right after the appetizers, the dexcom started wailing. HIGH! HIGH!! HIGH!! It kept climbing and climbing and climbing. Up into the 400 range - crazy, because I very, very rarely hit those numbers. So, in my panicked, what-the-heck-is-going-on state, I committed the ultimate no-no..... I corrected for it on my pump. Without a meter reading.

Several hours later, back at the hotel at last, a fingerstick revealed a nice little 132...... while the dex blinked at 350. Oops. Needless to say, I swallowed down a whole pack of skittles pretty damn fast.

We finished our travels with both of our families at Corolla Beach, North Carolina for a week. It was both a relaxing and a busy week, chock full of hiking and 20 mile bike rides and hang gliding and boogie boarding in the ocean. (On a random side note, did you know that companies won't let you hang glide if you are diabetic? I call shenanigans. That's simply ridiculous. And yes, I lied, signed the paper, and hid my pump in my shirt. Then I went hang gliding and had a fabulous time.) We were renting a beach house complete with a pool and a hot tub. Now I know that you can never truly have a "diabetes free" week. I know that it's with you every.single.day. But I chose to give myself as much of a D-vacation as safely possible. (Who am I kidding? I really just wanted to revel in the hot tub, and that of course meant that I had to pull the dexcom sensor.)

Honestly, I don't know if I achieved what I was going for. Sure, I didn't have to worry about one more contraption stuck to my body. And I let myself eat an absurd amount of junk. But I think I actually caused myself MORE anxiety than normal. I realized how attached I am to the dexcom. It's reassuring to know what your blood sugar is running at any given time (oddly, even after the mishap the week before, I still trust the thing.). I was extremely active during the week, and my blood sugar drops like a rock during exercise. I found myself in the ocean thinking, "I wonder what I am now?" And during a long bike ride. And while playing laser tag. And even at night before I went to bed, staring at a 130 on the meter, (a number that should have been calming pre-sleep), I was thinking, "But where am I headed? Am I sky rocketing? Am I starting to crash?" It just goes to show you what that little bit of reassurance does for your metal health every day. And that mental health plays such a big role in this disease.

Tonight I'm preparing for another huge three hour doctor's appointment tomorrow. Nutritionist, diabetes educator - the works. Which means I've spent the night writing down numbers and downloading the dexcom information - which I can only pray that they actually look at this time. Sometimes the sheer amount of time this disease takes up in my life is mind boggling.

(Some of the wild horses that roam Corolla Beach. They were absolutely breathtaking.)

The Flying Pig

This is a long over due post. (It's funny how sometimes you can think of absolutely nothing to blog about, and then suddenly - BAM! You have too many topics for one post. Like a random latex allergy popping up - thank you once again, crazy autoimmune system. And piles upon piles of caramelized onions. But more on that later.) Did you follow all that? Yeah, me neither.

Anyhoo, every year on the first weekend in May my hometown hosts a big race weekend. They have it all - from the whole shebang 26.2 mile marathon, a half, a team relay, a 10 k, a 5 k, and even kids runs. Now, I've run quite a few races, but this, my friends, is really the MOST FUN race out there. First of all, it's called The Flying Pig. Enough said right there, right? You cross "the finish swine" where folks dressed in pig costumes are calling out your name and cheering for you. Maybe I'm easily amused, but I find the whole thing a blast. I usually run this race with my dad every year, but this year a couple of my awesome girlfriends laced up their sneaks and ardently trained for their first 10K EVER! (I AM SO PROUD OF THEM!)

I'm not sure how in the world I convinced them to run with me. People always say to me, "The only way I'm running anywhere is if there is a bear behind me about to eat me." I'll admit, I feel pretty much the same way. I'm lazy. I like sitting on my couch. I HATE the gym. But I go - we'll say somewhat consistently. :) How in the world did I end up a "runner?" (I have to put that in quotes to differentiate me from REAL runners. Like, people who jog the race route to warm up for the race. People who know what their pace time is. People who do more than a fast shuffle step.)

This is the one thing in my life I can thank diabetes for.

I don't run because I love it. Some days it's all I can do just to take one slow step in front of the other. Some days I get fed up with all the planning that has to go into it. Did I start my temp basal rate on my pump 2 hours before I planned to run? Is my blood sugar high enough to start running? (I drop like a rock when I run, so for safety I have to start in the realm of 200.) Do I have my meter? And my glucose tabs? And my Dexcom? And my awesometastic early 90's fanny pack in which to carry it all? Can I juggle a finger stick without slowing down and without dropping everything?

But then you get to race day. If you're lucky like we were this year, the sun is shining and it's absolutely beautiful out. You are pounding the pavement with 2,442 of your newest friends.

And that's when it really hits me. Some call it a runner's high, I guess. But right in the middle of the race when I get my rhythm and my stride down, I feel - spiritual, as odd as that sounds. I feel close to God. Maybe because I'm free of all the everyday stuff? I don't really know. I think that some of the folks I was running near probably thought I was mental because I was so genuinely happy I actually started to cry. (I'm a loser. I already know, thanks. :) )

I run simply because I can.

Comfort in a bowl

I realized while looking over my blog today that the last several entries haven't been exactly.... well, positive and uplifting. I do apologize for that.

The truth is that for many, many different reasons I have been a small mess of anxiety, stress, and depression for the last little while. (Oddly, none of those reasons are even related to diabetes. Interesting digression...)

Anyway, I am not going to subject you to any of my sad little tirades. I am going to ask for some help.

I was sitting here this morning thinking about things that may help me feel a little bit better, and of course I thought of cooking. Cooking always makes me feel better. (Unless I'm making cookies. That's entirely different story.) The truth is, even though I have gone to my part-time schedule now, the schedule that was supposed to give me nearly unlimited time for cooking new and exciting things - I really haven't done much cooking at all. I guess that's a classic example of the tendency I have to allow things to snowball - why cook something if there's no one around to enjoy it or share it with? Also, I noticed that when you're generally feeling bad, your thoughts are neither quick, nor sharp. So while I know that the answer to "What will make me feel a little better today?" is "Make something really comforting and homey and delicious!" I can't quite come up with anything that fits the bill.

That's where you come in, my friends! If you have a tried and true, I'm-a-little-down-in-the- dumps-and-this-is-a-sure-way-to-pull-me-out recipe, please (!!) email it to me or post it in the comments! Or maybe you have a secret family recipe that makes you feel like a kid again. Or something warm you eat on cold, stormy days. A dish that is like staying in your jammies all day and curling up in a blanket on the couch. And I could really use that blanket! Thanks for helping a girl out. :)

Eyeballs and Chicken

I know, an odd title. The wording gods are apparently not with me today.

So this post is about eyeballs. And a delicious chicken dish. But not together. Thank God, right? No, I have not finally jumped in a pile of crazy.

I went to my yearly opthamologist appointment today. (Are you guys tired of hearing about my myriad of doctor's appointments yet? I am, too.)

I gotta tell ya, this appointment was depressing. Not because of a bad physician - this guy actually knew what he was doing!! And talked to me like I was a human being!! And not because there is anything wrong with my eyes whatsoever. Actually, Dr. NiceGuy, who had a resident with him, commented, "Hey! You want to see normal eyes??!! Check these out!" Sadly, in his line of work, "normal" doesn't happen much.

It was depressing because the good doctor, being an actual good doctor, felt the need to do the typical diabetic warnings. Which, include:

Doctor: "You've been diabetic how long?"

Me: "12 years."

Doctor: "Ok. Well, by 15 years, 90-95% of diabetics have some form of retinopathy. And by 17-18 years, that goes up to about 100%. Just so you know what to expect. That's normal."

Um. Oh. Ok.

So basically, even under the best circumstances possible, I have about 8 years left before my eyes begin to deteriorate. (I sort of get this picture in my head of my eyes melting out of my skull. Nice, I know.) Mr. NiceDoctor, I know you are probably legally bound to tell me such things, but let me let you in on something. When you tell a young diabetic that - even one that spends her days watching laser procedures for diabetic retinopathy at work - you completely KILL any motivation that person has to take care of herself. I mean, what's the point??? It's gonna happen anyway, right?

Funnily enough, as I got in my car with my mondo sunglasses and burning eyes, I thought,"I'll show YOU. Eight years my ASS, buddy!"

So maybe I was wrong about that motivation thing. :)

So I used my motivation a la Rachael Ray. I made a somewhat fru-fru (to me) chicken dish involving something I've never done before - making my own tortellini. With the lemons and the peas, it ended up being a great spring dish, fresh tasting and bright - if a tad tedious. (I'm usually a throw it all together, one pot dish kinda girl.) I have a current love affair with fresh ricotta - the real, fresh, whole milk stuff - so this, of course, was perfect. The chicken, however, ended up moist, flavorful, and absolutely delicious, thanks to leaving the skin on during baking. You can, of course, remove the skin before eating, if you are health conscious. Or, you can, like I did, sneak one little bite of that irresistibly crunchy, crackly goodness.

Aren't they cute?

I actually dug this recipe out of a very thick binder I have labelled, "TO TRY"... I very seldom ever make it over to the "to try" notebook - obviously a mistake, as I learned after making this... I must dig some more recipes out of here very soon!

Lemon Chicken and Sweet Pea Tortellini

(From Everyday With Rachael Ray)

1 lemon, 1/2 thinly sliced crosswise, 1/2 squeezed in to juice

(I ended up using close to 1 whole lemon sliced, partially because I had some humongous chicken legs, and partially because I can't seem to slice anything super thin.)

4 skin on chicken leg quarters
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

salt and pepper

1/2 cup frozen peas, thawed

1/4 cup ricotta cheese

1 tablespoon chopped fresh tarragon

24 wonton wrappers

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Arrange the lemon slices in a single layer down the center of a roasting pan. Rub the chicken with the oil and season with salt and pepper. Place the chicken skin side up on the lemon slices and bake for 35 minutes. Transfer to the broiler and cook until the skin is crisp, about 3 minutes. Drizzle the chicken with the lemon juice.

2. Meanwhile, using a food processor, mix together the peas, ricotta, 1/2 teaspoon of tarragon, and 1/4 teaspoon salt.

3. On a work surface, working with 2 wonton wrappers at a time, spoon a teaspoon of the pea mixture onto the center of each wrapper. (I found that I first had to moisten the edges of the 2 wonton wrappers and press the edges together to get them to stick.) Moisten the edges with water and fold the wrapper in half diagonally to for a triangle, pushing out any air pockets and pressing the edges firmly to seal. With the long side of the triangle facing you, fold the top point back toward you, then fold the right and left points to meet it and press all 3 points together firmly, securing with more water. (I also pressed the upper corners at this point. I was pretty petrified that they would come apart while they were boiling!)

4. In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook the tortellini until they float to the top, about 5 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the tortellini to 4 plates. Divide the chicken and the roasted lemon among the plates and top with the pan juices. Sprinkle with the remaining tarragon.

I calculated this out a little sloppily - but for about 4 pieces of tortellini and the chicken I came to about 37 grams of carbohydrate. (Note - I didn't actually eat the roasted lemon, so I didn't included that in the calculation.)

And sorry about the pictures. One of these days, I will manage either to use a real camera other than my iphone, or I may actually take a good picture with the iphone. Someday. :)

Now what?

In an attempt to never, ever, ever have to go back to the first endo I tried out last month, I decided to look a little closer to home. It's a small town, yes, but there is a resonably sized hospital and a network of specialists affiliated with it. So when I noticed that the hospital diabetes center was having an insulin pump support group, I jumped right on the band wagon - for a couple of reasons.

Now, I've been on a pump for the entire 12 years I've been diabetic. So I can't say that I really need a "pump support group". (In reality, I DO need an insulin pen support group, or a MDI support group - if I ever had to go off my pump for ANY reason, I'd be flippin clueless.) But I figured I could use this group to kinda weasel my in and garner some information about the local endos - who's good? Who's not? Who includes the patient in care planning?

Devious? Maybe. But I can't handle going through another appointment like my last one.

Besides playing the spy, I wanted to hit this meeting, well, sadly, to meet people. People my own age. People who, like me, fight this thing every day. Having that kind of support makes such a huge difference. Moving to a new town is unbelievably hard, and diabetes puts another little wrench in the system, to say the least.

Unfortunately, after arriving at the meeting I must admit that I started to wonder if anyone in this town is under the age of 50. Kudos to these folks for learning the ropes on a pump for sure - but where are my 25-35 year old D girls?

The session itself was actually great - a nutritionist spoke about several different issues. I learned a few things I actually want to work into my meal planning, like carb factors. The most entertaining part, however, was when a "low reservoir" alarm went off somewhere. I kid you not, the entire room (me included) looked down at their waistbands. :)

At the end of the session, the floor was opened for questions and I started poking around about doctors in the area. Then the bomb dropped:

"Oh, yeah - there are two endocrinologists at the hospital. They are both very good. But they are BOTH retiring at the end of July. And there is NO REPLACEMENT for them yet."

Such it is in small town America. It is almost impossible to compete with the big cities for doctors, so often we get the rejects or it takes years to fill the hole. Not to mention the fact that I was also told that with 2 endos in town, it still took 6 months to get an appointment with one. What now?

Looks like I'm headed back to Dr. Sucktastic in May.

My Happy Bubble

I've wanted to write a post about dealing with a new endocrinologist for going on 2 weeks now. I even slithered out of my nice, cozy bed on this very rainy Saturday morning at the ungodly hour of 9 AM in order to do just that. After arming myself with some homemade chai tea and peanut butter toast (hey, a girl must be fortified for the complaining as I was getting ready to unleash), I..... got sidetracked.

For the next....five.... hours.

I was trying to (quickly) research some foodie spots for an upcoming trip to Ann Arbor my husband has promised me. A coworker had casually mentioned a deli/bakery that offered some pastry classes - it sounded of course, right up my alley.

That was the understatement of the century.

Zingerman's websites are in themselves pure magic for foodies. How in the world am I JUST NOW hearing about this place??? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? My day's plans of hitting the gym, cleaning, and hanging some pictures on my house's bare walls were washed away by words like "Culinary Adventure Society" and "Tuscany Food Tour".

I proceeded to read every word of each of their seven companies' websites. Basically, my trip to Ann Arbor is going to need to be extended - by several months. How else will I ever decide what cheese to buy in the creamery? Which sandwich to eat in the deli?? These are life and death situations, by god! After accepting the fact that my bank account will most likely be drained to the point we no longer have rent money, I even signed up for the mail-order catalogue. Brownie of the month club, here I come. We may be living in our Honda in an abandoned lot, but we'll have anchovy stuffed peppers and ventresca tuna. :)

All of these happy thoughts surrounded me in my own little bubble. I didn't want to think about the frustration of finding a new endocrinolgist and trying to get a referral from my PCP. I didn't want to remember the aggravation of driving an hour to said endocrinologist's office and then waiting an hour after my appointment time before being called back by a nurse. I definitely don't want to recall how I painstakingly logged months worth of blood sugars, food intake, basals and boluses and entered them into an excel spreadsheet which the endo never even glanced at. I really don't feel like brooding over the endo glancing at my Dexcom printouts and remarking, "Huh. Neat," while obviously having no idea whatsoever how to utilize them. I don't want to relive the nurse practitioner and the doctor huddling outside my door to discuss what my "diabetes plan" would be - without including ME, THE DIABETIC IN QUESTION, in said plan. Or arguing with the doctor over why I really did need to test my blood sugar 12-15 times a day. (Really, dude? You want to argue over someone taking good care of herself?) I don't want the exhaustion of restarting the whole process all over again.

I want to stay in my happy bubble with thoughts of Iberica ham and the imperfect hamburger.

Happiness in a shell

Today, something happened that made me absurdly, horrendously, ridiculously, crazily happy.

I bought some eggs.
These aren't just any eggs. First of all, they are a gorgeous light green color. Perfect for Spring!! And Easter - no dying necessary! And... Wednesday night with no dinner plans!

Secondly, these eggs were laid ...today. Hours ago, actually. Practically in my backyard.

The one (and only) great thing about small town living for me happens to be the little dilapidated farm house around the corner from my place. There's a little wooden sign in front of a gravel driveway announcing "Farm Fresh Eggs For Sale". For less than what a dozen eggs at the grocery costs, I got 2 dozen hot off the hen eggs, 12 brown and 12 special little green beauties. A few even still had a few downy feathers clinging to them.

Knowing where your food comes from is becoming more and more of an issue today, with huge agro-companies pushing through whatever legislation they want through the FDA, recalls of huge food product lines across the country, and the chemicals that are out there... (Sorry. That was was more political soap boxy than I was planning.) My point is, the shorter distance my food travels to me, the more I know about it - who's growing it, what their farming practices are, how processed it is. And it literally doesn't get any closer than this.

My neighbor, a lovely elderly woman who keeps a cow and 150 (!!) chickens, showed me around her little operation. Her farmhouse is something straight out of a movie - old, rambling, painted white, of course, with red barns out back and about 20 some cats chasing mice through the rafters. She took me out to the coop with her while she "let the hens out to get a little sun", since it was one of the first over 60's days of the spring. The majority of her flock are the large and beautiful orange and red feathered birds that lay the brown eggs - I didn't catch their breed name. The green eggs, however, came from three little Araucuna hens. These were much smaller, sandy colored, and had just the smallest tufts for a tail. As feathers floated slowly in the air, my neighbor recounted how she'd been selling eggs since she'd retired, and that she gets about a 5 gallon bucket's worth or eggs PER DAY!! (Now, that's a huge omelet!) She also gave me the sage advice that there was "nothing in this world better tasting than a still-warm egg from the chicken coop fried up right when you bring it inside." If you're a foodie like me, it literally doesn't get any better than this.

Now I'm off to find some egg recipes. :)

Meatless Monday... on Sunday

As I mentioned before, this horrible thing known as "a job" has been keeping me from cooking much lately. Which, apparently, has affected my psyche and led to this:

When it comes to clothes, I am not really a "has to have it" kind of girl. My compulsive shopping side takes over when I see cookbooks. Or in this case, cooking magazines. And, no, I will never admit to how much I spent on cooking magazines today. :) Maybe it soothes my soul to look at pictures of things I may cook in the future - a sort of "light at the end of the tunnel" when I have blessed FREE TIME back again.

At least today was Sunday. A day of leisure spent with my husband, who wondered aimlessly around a Kroger with me for an hour. (In return, I went to a movie with him. Movies are his cookbooks. :) ) Today was also the first time in three days we ate at home. And that, given the chain restaurant only black hole where I currently reside, is definitely a blessing.


This is one of my favorite recipes - quick, easy, filling, with a bit of a bite. Good hot or cold as leftovers, so it doubles as lunch for work tomorrow! And for those of you interested in cutting back on meat, it's perfect for a "Meatless Monday".. er, Sunday.

This recipe is originally from Martha Stewart's Everyday Food. I have to gripe just a little bit here - the editors of the magazine go to all the trouble of posting the nutritional information (which, don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for), but they leave off how big a serving size is. Realistically, I can figure it out myself by the number of servings, but here is what usually happens in my house: Mr. Husband runs up the minute food is ready and takes an extra large helping. Then with what is left, I have to figure out how to divide the amount to make what would have been the 4 normal servings the recipe calls for. Really, Martha, can't you just go the extra mile and tell me that a serving is X number of cups?

(The pre-dinner bolus. Also, FYI -please excuse the pictures today. I am neither a food photographer or a real photographer, and I'm working off an iphone - I realize these are a bit blurry!)









Couscous Salad with Black Beans, Mushrooms, and Corn

(EF notes that if you can't find Israeli couscous, which is different than regular couscous, you can sub in Orzo. I used half and half because I ran out of couscous. :) )

-2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
-1 cup Israeli couscous
-coarse salt and ground pepper
- 1/2 pound cremini or button mushrooms, sliced 1/2 inch thick (I used baby bellas. I think they have more flavor.)
- 1 small bunch scallions, white and green parts separated and thinly sliced
- 1 1/4 cups corn kernels (the original recipe specifies fresh, but I used frozen. Still delicious.)
- 1 can (15.5 oz) black beans, drained and rinsed
- 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
- 1 jalapeno, chopped (original recipe states this is optional. Don't leave it out. I think it would be a bit bland without it. This really gives it a nice flavor, in my opinion.)
- 1 avocado, sliced

1. In a medium saucepan, heat 1 tablespoon of oil over medium high. Add couscous and cook, stirring occasionally, until golden brown and fragrant, about 4 minutes. Add 1.5 cups of water, season with salt and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer until liquid is absorbed and couscous is tender, about 15 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, heat 2 teaspoons of olive oil over medium-high. Cook mushrooms, stirring occasionally, until golden-brown - about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper; transfer to a large bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of oil to skillet and add corn and scallion whites, stirring occasionally. Cook until soft and corn is browned, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper and add to mushrooms.

3. Add couscous, black beans, lime juice, jalapeno, and scallion greens to mushroom mixture and toss to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Divide among 4 bowls (preferably before your husband comes in the room) and top with avocado.

Nutritional info - Makes 4 servings. Per serving - calories -432; fat - 15; protein - 14; carb - 62; fiber - 11.

I know, I know. Three posts in a row and then I'm MIA for 2 weeks. Fast out of the blogging gates until burn out sets in.

Well, not exactly, anyway.

I have a new job. Which, quite unfairly, has been USURPING all of my time. (Even my cooking time, which really irks me.) I feel for all you folks who work 9-5 jobs. You have my complete respect. Getting up every single day and going to work is, well, exhausting. Before you think I'm a completely lazy piece of crap, let me explain.

For the past 9 years, I've worked a 12 hour shift. Which meant I only had to go IN three days a week. Blessed heaven. Four days a week to call my own. I'd honestly happily work a 16 hour shift in a day if it meant I only had to wake up early two days a week. Unfortunately, the "orientation process" is a five day-a-week, 8 hour day thing. And I think it might be killing me. :)

So all that blabber was really just a diversion from my real post. Being in a new work environment, I'm struggling with the "When to tell the coworkers about your diabetes" issue. I do feel like it's important that the people I work with know, but I'm not sure I'm ready to tell them. We are in that crucial feeling-each-other-out stage..... They are wondering, "Is she a hard worker? Is she lazy? Does she find excuses not to do things?" And yes, it is only my third day. Health care workers are notorious for eating their young, including the new folks in an institution. And again, yes, they DO make judgments that quickly. 5 minutes too long on lunch your first week, and you will forever be branded as a slacker. So if you bring out the diabetes card too early, it can have an effect on those judgments. "She uses her blood sugar as an excuse to get out of a room she doesn't like, or to go to lunch early...." Or worse - management starts doubting your ability and personal judgment in your job because of your diabetes. (That has never happened to me, thankfully. I hope it never does... but I don't want to take chances, either.) I like to establish myself as a good worker, a team player, a knowledgeable and trustworthy employee before dealing with any of the assumptions and misinformation surrounding diabetes. And when I do let the cat out of the bag, it is usually only to one person at a time, on a need to know basis - usually that does the trick. (Gossip about ANYTHING in a hospital travels fast.) And I try to be sneaky about it. I'll actually wear my medical ID - which I'm not great about doing at other times. I'll pull out my pump during lunch to program in a bolus. Things that aren't in your face but people sometimes notice. On the other hand, the worst possible way to introduce people to your diabetes - testing in front of them. Then I get a bevy of "You're doing that here?" looks, intrusive questions about what the number on the screen is or means, and stories of, "My grandmother had that and lost her leg...." But that is just my own experience. Should I care what they say? No, of course not. My health is more important than those misconceptions. Does it bother me? Uh, yeah. (Try listening to someone tell you about gruesome things that could happen to you, and then try to feel nice and neighborly toward them.) Maybe I am just being too sensitive about the whole thing. Or just way too type-A, trying to direct the introduction of a large part of my life. I don't actually mind having the conversation with people or teaching them about what life with this disease is really about - I just need to do it on my turf.

What do you think? Is it worse NOT to tell people right away? Am I just being touchy? How do you introduce things you are sensitive about to new people?

A Small Win

In the world of ups and downs that is diabetes on a daily basis, I think it's important to celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how tiny...


Today I managed a 6 hour flatline on the Dexcom. I know there's been a lot of talk about no-hitters out there lately, and frankly, I've never even come close. (But a HUGE KUDOS to those who have done it! You are my heroes.) But in my little stratosphere of bi-weekly changing basal rates, yes, a mere 6 hours is something to celebrate!

Cheers to that!